I haven't been a very busy bee here. This is my try to change that.
Solitude, used to make me think about sitting under a big tree during a warm summer day, just relaxing, having the right to be my self for a moment or two. Perhaps finding that inner peace that is said to be found there. But what do you do when your sanctuary has turned into a window less prison. Where every thought, instead to being a comfort, turns into an ice cold stream threating to drown you.
Either you will be swept away by it or you fight trying to keep your head above the waterline. That would be the short answer but for the sake of argument lets exam the options presented:
Swept away; sounds bad as if you have given up on life. It doesn't have to be like that though. Being swept away might also mean to allow yourself to accept the situation you are in. Perhaps the stream even will bring you to grounder water were it is easier to collect your self and set your bearings.
Fight; up with your fists! Let's get dirty and do something about the situation. Stimulating but oh, so very exhausting, might end up being a waste of energy. Who can fight a stream? It is strong very very strong.

Why do I write about this now? Because it means a lot to me. My solitude has imprisoned me and I am trying to find the key or perhaps blow my way out of it. Ah, I do love some drama. When my own life is standing still at least I have my vocabulary to spice things up a bit.
The past year has meant a lot to me. I've been very sad but not knowing why or what kind of change I would like. Then after a change of “milieu” that changed. I now know what I want, how happy I can be. It's just that I am not happy here, where I am now. I feel myself being forgotten by the world and my friends. As if it doesn't matter what I do. Quite diffuse statement so I will elaborate further. What I mean is that I do not get any “Hey wanna come by” “Are you planning anything?” etc (that sounds so stupid). I know from experience that waiting for someone else to invite me to a party, trip what ever is very VERY stupid. No one will do that. At least not here. There for I try to come up with things to do and tell those around me what I will do and invite them to come along. So fare the outcome hasn't been that positive. Why that is I don't know.
I believe very strongly that my friends likes me, I would classify my self as a good friend. Some how I find my self falling in between. I'm left alone in my chamber to entertain my self. (Oh GOD how tired I am of spending time with my self)

How do I change that? As I see it there are two ways, being swept away or try and fight! But just how do I do that? As said, I try to come up with things to do. Constant remind people of that I AM HERE. If they can't join me well at least then they should remember me for when they plan on doing something. Unfortunately for me that doesn't seem to be working. When theory meats the world it have a tendency to go out with a pffff sound leaving the world standing as it always have been. Theory sounds so solid, when you've been banging your head against it for about six hours it becomes so hard and monumental grand impossible to beat that is until reality makes an appearance.

Since I am so damn tired of carrying this with me alone I am now going to share it with who ever happens to pass by my blog. (I do not at all like that word blog)

Seams like spring is trying to infiltrate the country. So far the snow is still here and hopefully it will stay this way for at least a month. I know some people thinks it truly is spring time now. But spring begins with the break-up of the ice, which hasn't happened yet.